No. 1 Choeur des Bergers
Part 1
SOPRANO/ALTO
we welcome you to our café
Gladly we attend to your requirement
Your chosen drinks are on their way
We trust that all is to your liking
And when we’ve served you an entrée
There will commence a cabaret
We’ll slip away
Call it a day and grab our pay
That handsome barman is the chief
He helps maintain the highest standard
Though we’re short handed
So choose your nip, Pink Gin, egg flip
Sir here’s your slip
Please leave a tip
And say when you have gone
The service was tray bon
It was tray bon
MAITRE:
Clear the way there!
Let the mayoral party through
Stand out of the way there!
SOPRANO/ALTO
All shout hip hip, hooray there
Part 2
Mayoral Party …..
modestly we think we do a really cracking job!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Acclaim these folk of high renown!
They are the elders of this town!
BASS
A thousand thanks for what you say,
Your kind remarks have made our day
SOPRANO/ALTO
Let no one try to put them down
They are the elders of this town
The elders of this town see no need to
Hurrah, Hurrah
rush, with no rubbish to collect and no sewerage
Hurrah, Hurrah
to flush
We’re happy just to sit in the coun-
Hurrah, Hurrah
-cil Hall where we do nothing at all
Total inactivity’s the remedy for all
Part 3
Maitre d’Hotel spoken section
SOPRANO/ALTO
The elders of this town
still have strength untapped
For expenditure is low
So our rates have not been capped
They educate the young
Pay for protection
Follow them ask no question
And every shakedown paying citizen can see
What local democratic government should be
No 7 Final
Orphee:
I’m Free!
The joys of life I recover
And now I’m off to break the happy tidings
to my lover!
TENOR/BASS
You are cursed! You are cursed!
For the pitiless way you have acted today!
You are cursed! You are cursed!
You have shed not a tear
for your dead wife so dear!
You are cursed!
SOPRANO/ALTO
You are cursed! You are cursed!
It’s a maxim of life
That one grieves for one’s life
You are cursed! You are cursed!
The demise of your spouse
should not make you carouse!
TENOR/BASS
You are cursed!
SOPRANO/ALTO
You are cursed!
ORPHEE
They seem to come from all around
From ev’ry table they rebound
What a phenomenon of sound
BASS
You are cursed!
TENOR
You are cursed!
SOPRANO/ALTO
You are cursed!
You are cursed!
You are cursed!
Coals of fire upon your head
You are cursed! You are cursed!
You are cursed!
This is he who for his wife cares not a fig
You are cursed!
He’s a jerk that polite society
calls a chauvinist pig!
Down with Orpheus
Woe to him!
OPRHEE
Blast! This is Mrs Whitethigh
already on my trail!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Yes, this is Mrs Whitethigh
already on your trail
ORPHEE
Blast! Bother! Mrs Whitethigh
SOPRANO/ALTO
Blast! Bother! Mrs Whitethigh
She’ll want a happy tale!
Couplets of Mrs Whitethigh:
MRS WHITETHIGH
Yes . It’s me. You can’t prevent me
Bringing up the truth so that everybody knows.
And I’ve followed up the scent
Of your naughtily-concealed peccadilloes .
I know the whole of your murd’rous design:
You brought about your wife’s demise by poisoning the wine.
So beware. So beware.
Such a course of action can be hardly seen as fair!
Stop right there. Stop right there.
Public sensibility demands you show more care!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Stop right there!
Stop right there!
You should really show more care
MRS WHITETHIGH
For such a husband there’s no forgiving,
You’ll be an example to other souls.
With no means to earn your living
When I’ve closed your school through falling rolls .
And all through the night, from the dusk to the dawn,
You’ll never sleep for I shall keep accusing you with scorn.
So beware. So beware.
Callousness like yours brings indignation and despair.
Stop right there. Stop right there.
Such an end as you intend no decent folk can bear!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Stop right there!
Stop right there!
Such an end we can not bear
MRS WHITETHIGH
Come, you can’t ignore
The weight of Public Opinion.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Go, don’t be a bore,
Just accept her dominion!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Well, if you want to escape my severity
or give a marvellous lead to prosperity
You can do one thing
ORPHEE
What can that be?
MRS WHITETHIGH
Go search out and free, Eurydice
ORPHEE
But she’s odious to me!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Surely, Orpheus, you see
How much more noble your action would be?
ORPHEE
With his Fateful decree
I strongly dis-a-gree!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Go free, Eurydice
SOPRANO/ALTO
Go free, Eurydice
ORPHEE
When your pow’rful voice commands,
I must fulfil your demands.
But this husband also is a brilliant music teacher:
Do you permit, before I quit,
That I recall my students small and bid them all
Farewell?
MRS WHITETHIGH
For once, a good idea
I can only approve.
ORPHEE
If you will just wait here
We’ll soon be on the move.
Come here at my call!
The news is that I,
Who tutored you all,
Must bid you goodbye.
I only play the greatest.
This music is my latest.
This piece, with all its faults
Is my brand-new farewell Waltz.
(WALTZ)
MRS WHITETHIGH
I never heard a prettier theme.
What charming children all of them seem.
SOPRANO/ALTO
What a send off!
So very kind.
How sad he is to leave them behind.
La La, La La, La La, La La, La La
La La, La La, La La, La La, La La, La La,
La La, La La, La La, La La
La
ORPHEE
Goodbye, goodbye, my friends,
My pupils, bands and choirs.
Destiny, when it shapes our ends
Often falls short of our desire.
For you don’t always get your own way –
That’s the scene!
And when you get married some day
You will see what I mean,
You will see what I mean!
SOPRANO/ALTO (Children)
Goodbye, Maestro.
Don’t delay, go away, don’t be slow.
Goodbye, Maestro.
It’s a beautiful day, off you go’.
Now promise to write
Or to ring us each night –
So no-one gets missed
We will give you a list.
Rossini, Puccini and Beethoven too.
And Mozart and Wagner, and Heaven knows who.
So now off you go with a prestissimo.
ORPHEE
We now must part with heavy heart!
SOPRANO/ALTO (Children)
Goodbye, Ma-estro. Off you shoot now,
‘en route’, time to blow!
The way she will show
Out of town, with flaps down, off you go
Till that day when we may say ‘Hello’.
Cheerio, great Ma-estro.
MRS WHITETHIGH
Enough! The hour is come.
Let Sentiment be dumb!
ORPHEE
The hour is come
TENOR
The hour is come
SOPRANO/ALTO
The hour is come
TENOR/BASS
Up off your bum!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Rise!
In the conflict of duty and love it is duty best!
Now you set out to accomplish your glorious guest.
Rise!
As you journey along on your fine and courageous
trip,
I pledge to afford you my full companionship.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Rise!
To see Jupiter sitting as judge on Olympus Mount,
Plead your case and make your pleading count.
Rise!
As a byword for duty and love
You must scale the heights
Put wrongs to rights.
Yes, Orpheus, you’re a hit.
A hit, and yet, a Myth!
TENOR/BASS
Heaven bless, Heaven bless
The faithful guide
SOPRANO/ALTO
Let heaven bless, the faithful guide
TENOR/BASS
Who throughout all
Is by your side.
Who’s..
SOPRANO/ALTO
Who throughout all is by your side
Go! Honour calls. Go
Go and see if you can end this happily.
No. 8 Chorus of Gods
SOPRANO/ALTO
Sleep on. Sleep on.
Let sleeping gods lie
In endless Olympian repose.
TENOR/BASS
(Closed lips: Ooooo)
SOPRANO/ALTO
Oblivion is the only joy
An Olympian deity knows
TENOR/BASS
(Closed lips: Ooooo)
SOPRANO/ALTO
Sleep on. Sleep on
To lie down and snore
Is the only thrill in store. So sleep on.
Ooooo
No 9 Couplets
VENUS
The Goddess of Love,
Venus am I.
I’ve spent a night out on the tiles.
Returning through the twinkling sky
I feel as though I’ve flown for miles!
No-one need suspect that I’ve been out at all.
They are fast asleep as into bed I crawl.
They are fast asleep
Thus my secrets keep
And into my bed I fall!
CUPID
You know me of course –
Cupid’s the name.
Despatching love by Golden Arrow.
All night I’ve played the mating game
By straying from the straight and narrow.
Better keep it dark, hiding my love’s desire.
And when I make Love I always play with fire!
When I’m out on dates, always play it safe.
No point in tempting Fate!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah!
MARS
I’m Mars, God of War .
Just been away
Upon a certain am’rous sortie .
Just back in time for dawn of day –
Took French leave , which is very naughty!
Though bedecked with armour, I can be a charmer .
I must draw a veil o’er my last campaign .
Wearily I beat
A tactical retreat ,
And return to my barracks again.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah!
No. 11 Couplets de Diane
JUPITER
What is that racket, and who dares to blight
The sleep of the Gods in the depths of the night?
Thunderbolt, please! Must be ready to smite !
Diana! My well-beloved daughter .
And she’s playing the fanfare I taught her
Up! Out of bed! Everyone! Rise and shine!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Aaaaah!
JUPITER
No more yawns. Line up there, you fools!
Close up your ranks, no giggling at all
For when a Goddess pays a call,
We have to act according to the rules.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Diana, Patroness of Hunters,
We hail your name on their behalf.
DIANA
But why so sad , in front of the family?
SOPRANO/ALTO
Why sad in front of the family?
DIANE
My broken heart forbids me to laugh.
And none of you, no , none of you can know the half!
You know what earthly hunters prey on –
Halloo and Tally Ho.
Gamebirds or foxes, deer or hares
Halloo and Tally Ho.
The Goddess Diana stalks Actaeon
Halloo and Tally Ho.
A beautiful youth for whom she cares
Halloo and Tally Ho.
To trap in her snares
A beautiful youth for . whom she cares.
SOPRANO/ALTO
A handsome youth for whom she cares –
Whom she does NOT meet unawares!
DIANA
Early today to seek her quarry –
Halloo and Tally Ho.
She sallied forth with horse and hound
Halloo and Tally Ho.
But there was no outcome amatory
Halloo and Tally Ho.
Actaeon was nowhere to be found!
Halloo and Tally Ho.
SOPRANO/ALTO
For he was nowhere to be found.
The lad had clearly gone to ground.
No. 14 Choeur de la Revolte
SOPRANO/ALTO
To Arms.
We call on all the deities.
To Arms
Let’s overthrow the way it is.
BASS
Our life is too mechanical
SOPRANO/ALTO
Our leader is tyrannical
BASS
He lords it over all the Gods
ORPHEE
And he and we are all at odds.
SOPRANO/ALTO
To arms. To arms.
Forth to fight
Claim the right
Come and make a show of might.
JUPITER
What are they doing? Are they revolting?
How daft it makes us look.
PLUTO
This revolution among the gods
Is just in time to get me off the hook!
Cupid and Goddesses
Be in no doubt,
Ambrosia’s out
SOPRANO/ALTO
Yes it is out!
GODS
Nectar’s no treat,
It’s far too sweet.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Yes, far too sweet.
GODS
They’re over-rated
And we’re sated
SOPRANO/ALTO
And nauseated.
PLUTO
You’re right. You ought to ditch that sickening diet.
There’s better fare in Hell – aren’t you dying to try it?
BASS
To Arms!
TENOR
To Arms!
SOPRANO/ALTO
To Arms!
To Arms! We call on all the deities
To Arms! To overthrow the way it is!
BASS
Our life is too mechanical
SOPRANO/ALTO
Our leader is tyrannical
BASS
He lords it over all the Gods
ORPHEE
He and we are all at odds.
SOPRANO/ALTO
To Arms!
To Arms!
To Arms!
The bill of fare is uninspired
The fault is there, we’re sick and tired
And those who don’t agree should be fired!
To arms. To arms.
We live too well.
This Heaven’s Hell!
No. 15 Metamorphoses
DIANE
Whenever daddy goes a wooing, he knows te value of surprise.
To be successful in his suing , he has to do it in disguise.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
MINERVE
Dressed as the husband of Alcmene you entertained her in her flat.
There can be few on Earth , if any , who would be taken in like that
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Known to all society for wanton impropriety .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
This is pushing piety a little bit too far.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Known to all society for wanton impropriety .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
This is pushing piety a little bit too far.
CYBELE
When feeling horny for Europa, why did you dress up as a bull?
It was a corny ruse to grope her, how come a bull has so much ‘pull’
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Shouldn’t immortality stop short of bestiality?
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now teach us morality, we dare you to, papa.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Shouldn’t immortality stop short of bestiality?
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now teach us morality, we dare you to, papa.
VENUS
Down by the brook where I was spying you were the swan that Leda saw
And I distinctly heard her crying ‘This is the swan I’m waiting for’
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
You showed no affinity with saving her virginity.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Isn’t this divinity a wicked avatar?
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
You showed no affinity with saving her virginity.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Isn’t this divinity a wicked avatar?
FLORE
With Danae, as golden showers , you sought to win her in the rain
They say the downpour lasted hours , but then it turned out nice
again.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Fancy overpowering a lady when she’s showering .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Should you be deflowering another than Mama?
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Fancy overpowering a lady when she’s showering .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Should you be deflowering another than Mama?
CUPID
You wooed the mortals you desired in any costume you could get.
With all the trappings that you’ve hired, you must be heavily
in debt.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Yes, you act advisedly in doing it disguisedly
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now repent chastisedly, your fancy-dress we bar.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Yes, you act advisedly in doing it disguisedly
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now repent chastisedly, your fancy-dress we bar.
ORPHEE
If daddy changes his appearance to win affection, should we scoff?
To his own form, a close adherence would scare all decent women off.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
No. 16 Grand Final
PLUTO
Yes , it’s Orpheus . Devil take him.
Has he come to make a scene ?
Did I make his wife forsake him?
What a naughty God I’ve been.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Come right in poor cheated lover
State your business, speak up, do.
Don’t be scared, you’ll soon discover.
That the Gods are keen to side with you.
We’ll look on
What goes on
MRS WHITETHIGH
Start playing when I give the cue
SOPRANO/ALTO
Now the fun has begun
ORPHEE
I’m not that keen to see this through!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Yes, we’ll look on
See what goes on
We’ll try to listen too
And stay awake
To hear you through
So don’t be scared
You’ll soon discover
That the Gods are
Keen to side with you
JUPITER
Why have you come here, mortal man?
MRS WHITETHIGH
You must faithfully follow this plan.
The Gods will melt when you’ve recited
All the heart-rending tale you must tell.
They’ll allow you to travel to Hell.
With your wife you will be reunited.
ORPHEE
Is that your wish?
MRS WHITETHIGH
Quite so.
ORPHEE
They came and stole my Eurydice.
DIANA, CUPID, VENUS
He is overcome with grief.
DIANA
Only a fiddle can give him relief.
GODDESSES
We should try and catch the thief.
ORPHEE
I know who it was.
JUPITER
Yes ?
ORPHEE
It was Pluto
SOPRANO/ALTO
Kiss and tell
King of Hell
Is it true?
ORPHEE
Yes, it’s true.
JUPITER
My sentence will be thus.
Pluto’s illegal boarder
Must return to Orpheus
In decorative order.
ORPHEE
Oh damn. I’ve got her back for life.
PLUTO
Hell WILL be Hell without his wife.
And to see she’s released
From y6ur devilish clutches,
I shall come down to Hell, Pluto –
And have a butcher’s
SOPRANO/ALTO
Down to Hell
Down to Hell
GODDESSES
Oh Daddy let us know
May we go down below?
Oh please will you take
Us along for a break.
We’ll try to be
Good company,
Cos if we could
we’d all be good.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Oh Daddy don’t be square.
Be hip and take us there.
JUPITER
I daren’t leave most and just take some.
All right, the lot of you can come.
SOPRANO/ALTO
At last we are agreed.
Olympians, we’re freed.
JUPITER
Down we go, down below, Hades Ho.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Praise to Jupiter who sees our plight.
God so considerate and kind.
When he journeys to the Land of Night
Not one of us is left behind.
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away. Away. Away, Ah!
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away, Ah!
We’ve done with nectar skies of blue
We have no more to do with you .
We all expect a time for fun, and Jupiter’s the one
To whom the thanks are due.
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away, Ah!
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La
GODDESSES
He will not wait!
SOPRANO/ALTO
And if we nag
We might get Tourist-rate
Get out the flag
Oh Happy stroke of Fate.
Not one of us will hesitate .
TENOR/BASS
La, la, la, la, la
SOPRANO/ALTO
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away, Away
Since we’ve been unwell
Let’s all play hell
Our skies were blue
But now we’re through
We’ll convalesce in wickedness!
So Jupiter, our thanks to you!
Instrumental
SOPRANO/ALTO
Praise to Jupiter who sees our plight
God so considerate and kind
When he journeys to the land of night
Not one of us is left behind
Glory, Glory to our Pa!
Keep it up Dad, you could go far.
Trips to Hell are such a thrill
Down there, the climates never chill!
No. 26 Choeur Infernale
SOPRANO/ALTO
We’ll pass the bowl of wine around
To celebrate this day –
The Gods have made their getaway
It’s super to be underground
With Pluto as our host
Excuses for another toast.
Too long we’ve been denied it.
Now Pluto has supplied it.
Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
His wine is old and mellow
So let’s broach another keg
Drink it all, ev’ry dreg.
God of Hell, King of Revels
Here to raise our spirit levels
Oh, by Jove, aren’t we devils?
TENOR/BASS
This place is so elating
I see the gods migrating
SOPRANO/ALTO
They’ll try the nether regions
And settle here in legions.
You can’t make sense of life my friends.
Except that is, in death
Except in death
It’s only when you lose it
You know why you had breath.
No need have we to dread
What the wide world may have said.
We are too long dead.
My friends.
So now let Joy be unconfined.
To Pluto sing a hymn.
And fill your glasses to the brim.
The Gods and Goddesses unwind.
And drink’s the quickest route
We love this place of ill repute.
Are these Gods you used to know?
How can the Gods have sunk so low?
Just blame the wine – we’ve had our share,
The Gods decline, and we don’t care.
Here’s to the drink.
We’re in the pink
And sucks to what the world may think
Another drink
CUPID
And now, oh follower of Bacchus
I call on you to let us hear
Lilting praises extolling him who is
God of Wine, and brings us cheer.
SOPRANO/ALTO
Sing, oh sing us stories of Bacchus
How did you meet him? Tell us my dear.
No. 27 Hymn to Bacchus
EURYDICE
I saw the God of Wine
In his prosperous vineyard
Instructing one and all
In the Wine-bibbing art .
His pupils played a part
In each tavern and inn-yard
They had learnt it by heart .
SOPRANO
They had learnt it by heart
ALTO
They had learnt it by heart
SOPRANO/ALTO
Evoe. Evoe.
Bacchus the teacher
The one like best
When wine the subject
I’ll pass a test.
Hail to the grape when it is pressed.
Bacchus be blessed.
GODS
Evoe
All hail the wine-god Bacchus!
SOPRANO/ALTO
All hail!
EURYDICE
We ought to set aside
All depression and sadness
And leave all toil and care
To a godless mankind.
We faithful will be plied
With the liquefied gladness
That in Bacchus we find.
SOPRANO
That in Bacchus we find
ALTO
That in Bacchus we find
SOPRANO/ALTO
Evoe. Evoe.
Bacchus the teacher
The one like best
When wine the subject
I’ll pass a test.
Hail to the grape when it is pressed.
Bacchus be blessed.
GODS
Evoe
All hail the wine-god Bacchus!
SOPRANO/ALTO
All hail!
No. 28 Menuet et Galop Infernal
JUPITER
What you need right now.
Is a smattering of etiquette .
I should show you how
To dance the Minuet.
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
Ah!
JUPITER
Ah!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah!
la la, la la
Minuetting is not my
Cup of tea.
I get lost when I count to three.
Pirouetting is not my
Drink or meat.
I lose all control of my feet
Now see Jupiter raising
Tippy-toe
You cannot fault his’get up and go’
BASS
la la la la la
SOPRANO/ALTO
At his age it’s amazing
Splendid!
This step hasn’t been invented.
SOPRANO/ALTO (Artistes)
Terpsichorean exercise can soothe the savage beast.
He could surely win the prize for Home Counties East.
Once he was a tearaway, a Rocker in his prime .
Now he’s put his flares away, dancing to old time.
SOPRANO/ALTO
When I dance in the Old Tyme section
My toes badly need protection
Play a Minuet and I’m
So impressed
For the King of Gods, against the odds
By far, is the best.
(Galop)
SOPRANO/ALTO
The world thinks this is a Can-can
But it’s not a Can-can
No, it is a Galop and the Can-can should be banned.
Can-cans are suggestive,
Galops are more festive
Middle-class, respectable and grand.
For when Offenbach conceived it
Who would have believed it
Being played in naughty clubs where people stay up late
Can-cans are too frisky
Galops are less risky –
So they thought in eighteen fifty eight.
La la, etc
No. 50 Final
PUBLIC OPINION
Not a peep or glance behind you.
Keep looking steadfastly ahead .
For soon the world will find you.
With your wife back from the dead.
SOPRANO/ALTO
He isn’t going to turn around –
He’s got his eyes completely fixed upon the ground.
He’s going to make us keep the deal
My God! A violinist who’s got nerves of steel.
JUPITER
I was sure that he would peep
What a servile little creep.
PUBLIC OPINION
That’s very good. We’re going to win.
And take the prize.
JUPITER
Well if he won’t give in
Too bad! Too bad!
Take that for size!
SOPRANO/ALTO
Ah!
PUBLIC OPINION
Wretched man. Now we’re utterly defeated.
ORPHEUS
But it was Jupiter who cheated.
PLUTO
So she is mine, you raise the ban?
Oh thank you, dear Papa.
JUPITER
That’s not my plan.
PLUTO
You mean?
JUPITER
Yes! I will give her to the man behind the Bar!
SOPRANO/ALTO
To the man behind the Bar!
EURYDICE
Ah! Ah! Ah!
On earth, husbanded and pent there
I was not content there. ·
Now I turn to flapper life, for which I have respect.
Orpheus was a killjoy.
Gods, used me as their toy.
Now with Bacchus, life is perfect!
SOPRANO/ALTO
La, la, etc
No. 1 Choeur des Bergers
Part 1
SOPRANO/ALTO
we welcome you to our café
TENOR
It’s been a very tiring day
All of us are waiting for retirement
SOPRANO/ALTO
Your chosen drinks are on their way
TENOR
It’s when your tired that tempers fray
We’re so fed up we feel like striking
And when we’ve served you an entrée
There will commence a cabaret
We’ll slip away
Call it a day and grab our pay
SOPRANO/ALTO
That handsome barman is the chief
TENOR
Liqueur, Vermouth, aperitif-
Though we’re short handed
So choose your nip, Pink Gin, egg flip
Sir here’s your slip
Please leave a tip
And say when you have gone
The service was tray bon
It was tray bon
MAITRE:
Clear the way there!
Let the mayoral party through
Stand out of the way there!
TENOR
Shout hip hip, hooray there
Part 2
BASS
As elders of this town, duly we preside
Over everything that happens around the countryside.
We guard the Council funds – never spend a bob!
Modestly, we think we do a really cracking job!
TENOR
Acclaim these folk of high renown!
They are the elders of this town
BASS
A thousand thanks for what you say,
Your kind remarks have made our day
Ah!
TENOR
Let no-one try to put them down
They are the elders of this town
BASS
Your kind remarks have made our day
Ah! The elders of this town
see no need to rush
TENOR Hurrah, Hurrah
BASS
With no rubbish to collect
and no sewerage to flush!
TENOR Hurrah! Hurrah
BASS
We’re happy just to sit in the council Hall!
TENOR Hurrah! Hurrah!
BASS
Where we do nothing at all!
Total inactivity’s the remedy for all!
Part 3
Maitre d’Hotel spoken section
TENOR/BASS
The elders of this town
still have strength untapped
For expenditure is low
So our rates have not been capped
They educate the young
Pay for protection
Follow them ask no question
And every shake-down paying citizen can see
What local democratic government should be
No 7 Final
Orphee:
I’m Free!
The joys of life I recover
And now I’m off to break the happy tidings
to my lover!
TENOR/BASS
You are cursed! You are cursed!
For the pitiless way you have acted today!
You are cursed! You are cursed!
You have shed not a tear
for your dead wife so dear!
You are cursed!
SOPRANO/ALTO
You are cursed! You are cursed!
It’s a maxim of life
That one grieves for one’s wife
You are cursed! You are cursed!
The demise of your spouse
should not make you carouse!
TENOR/BASS
You are cursed!
You are cursed!
ORPHEE
They seem to come from all around
From ev’ry table they rebound
What a phenomenon of sound
BASS
You are cursed!
TENOR 2
You are cursed!
TENOR 1
You are cursed!
TENOR/BASS
You are cursed!
You are cursed!
Coals of fire upon your head
You are cursed! You are cursed!
Cursed is he who for his wife cares not a fig
He’s the one that society
calls a chauvinist pig!
Down with Orpheus
Woe to him!
OPRHEE
Blast! This is Mrs Whitethigh
already on my trail!
TENOR/BASS
Yes, Look, it’s her, the nuisance
ORPHEE
Blast! Bother! Mrs Whitethigh
TENOR/BASS
Blast! Bother! Mrs Whitethigh
She’ll want a happy tale!
Couplets of Mrs Whitethigh:
MRS WHITETHIGH
Yes . It’s me. You can’t prevent me
Bringing up the truth so that everybody knows.
And I’ve followed up the scent
Of your naughtily-concealed peccadilloes .
And I know the whole of your murd’rous design:
You brought about your wife’s demise by poisoning the wine.
So beware. So beware.
Such a course of action can be hardly seen as fair!
TENOR/BASS
Stop right there!
Stop right there!
You should really show more care
MRS WHITETHIGH
For such a man there’s no forgiving,
You’ll be an example to other souls.
With no means to earn a living
When I’ve closed your school through falling rolls .
All through the night, from the dusk to the dawn,
You’ll never sleep for I shall keep accusing you with scorn.
So beware. So beware.
Callousness like lying brings indignation and despair.
TENOR/BASS
Stop right there!
Stop right there!
Such an end we can not bear
MRS WHITETHIGH
Come, you can’t ignore
The weight of Public Opinion.
TENOR/BASS
Go, don’t be a bore,
Just accept her dominion!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Well, if you want to escape my severity
or give a marvellous lead to posterity
You can do one thing
ORPHEE
What can that be?
MRS WHITETHIGH
Go search out and free, Eurydice
ORPHEE
But she’s odious to me!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Surely, Orpheus, you see
How much more noble your action would be?
ORPHEE
With his Fateful decree
I strongly dis-a-gree!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Go free, Eurydice
TENOR/BASS
Go free, Eurydice
ORPHEE
When your pow’rful voice commands,
I must fulfil your demands.
But this husband also is a brilliant music teacher:
Do you permit, before I quit,
That I recall my students small and bid them all
Farewell?
MRS WHITETHIGH
For once, a good idea
I can only approve.
ORPHEE
If you will just wait here
We’ll soon be on the move.
Come here at my call!
The news is that I,
Who tutored you all,
Must bid you goodbye.
They only play the greatest.
That music is my latest.
This piece, with all its faults
Is my brand-new farewell Waltz.
(WALTZ)
MRS WHITETHIGH
I never heard a prettier theme.
What charming children all of them seem.
TENOR/ALTO
What a send off! So very kind.
How sad he is to leave them behind.
TENORS : La la, La la, etc BASS: La, La, etc
ORPHEE
Goodbye, goodbye, my friends,
My pupils, bands and choirs.
Destiny, when it shapes our ends
Often falls short of our desires
For you don’t always get your own way –
That’s the scene!
And when you get married some day
You will see what I mean,
You will see what I mean!
TENOR/BASS (Children)
Goodbye, Ma-estro.
Don’t delay, go away, don’t be slow.
Goodbye, Ma-estro.
It’s a beautiful day, off you go’.
Now promise to write
Or to ring us each night –
So no-one gets missed
We will give you a list.
Rossini, Puccini and Beethoven too.
And Mozart and Wagner, and Heaven knows who.
So now off you go with a prestissimo.
ORPHEE
We now must part with heavy heart!
TENOR/BASS (Children)
Goodbye, Ma-estro. Off you shoot now,
‘en route’, time to blow!
The way she will show
Out of town, with flaps down, off you go
Till that day when we may say ‘Hello’.
Cheerio, great Ma-estro.
MRS WHITETHIGH
Enough! The hour is come.
Now let Sentiment be dumb!
ORPHEE
The hour is come
TENOR
The hour is come
SOPRANO/ALTO
The hour is come
TENOR/BASS
Up off your bum!
MRS WHITETHIGH
Rise!
In the conflict of duty and love it is duty best!
Now you set out to accomplish your glorious guest.
Rise!
As you journey along on your fine and courageous
trip,
I pledge to afford you my full companionship.
TENOR/BASS
Rise!
To see Jupiter sitting as judge on Olympus Mount,
Make your pleading count.
Rise!
As a byword for duty and love
You must scale the heights
Put wrongs to rights.
Yes, Orpheus, you’re a hit.
A hit, and yet, a Myth!
Heaven bless,
Heaven bless the faithful guide,
The faithful guide who throughout all
is by your side, who’s by your side
Go! Honour calls. Go
Go and see if you can end this happily
No. 8 Chorus of Gods
SOPRANO/ALTO
Sleep on. Sleep on.
Let sleeping- gods lie
In endless Olympian repose.
TENOR/BASS
(Closed lips: Ooooo)
SOPRANO/ALTO
Oblivion is the only pleasure
An Olympian deity knows
TENOR/BASS
(Closed lips: Ooooo Ooooo)
SOPRANO/ALTO
Sleep on. Sleep on
To lie down and snore
Is the only thrill
TENOR
in store. So sleep on.
Ooooo Ooooo
No 9 Couplets
VENUS
The Goddess of Love,
Venus am I.
I’ve spent a night out on the tiles.
Returning through the twinkling sky
I feel as though I’ve flown for miles!
No-one need suspect that I’ve been out at all.
They are fast asleep as into bed I crawl.
They are fast asleep
Thus my secrets keep
As into my bed I fall!
CUPID
You know me of course –
Cupid’s the name.
Despatching love by Golden Arrow.
All night I’ve played the mating game
By straying from the straight and narrow.
Better keep it dark, hiding my love’s desire
And when I make love, I always play with fire.
When I’m out on dates, always play it safe.
There’s no point in tempting Fate!
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
MARS
I’m Mars, God of War .
Just been away
Upon a certain am’rous sortie .
Just back in time for dawn of day –
Took French leave , which is very naughty!
Though bedecked with armour, I can be a charmer
I must draw a veil o’er my last campaign .
Wearily I beat
A tactical retreat ,
And return to my barracks again.
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
No. 11 Couplets de Diane
JUPITER
What is that racket, and who dares to blight
The sleep of the Gods in the depth of the night?
Thunderbolt, please! Must be ready to smite !
Diana! My well-beloved daughter .
And she’s playing the fanfare I taught her
Up! Out of bed! Everyone! Rise and shine!
TENOR/BASS
Aaaaah!
JUPITER
No more yawns. Line up there, you fools!
Close up your ranks, don’t get the giggles
For when a Goddess pays a call,
We have to act according to the rules.
TENOR/BASS
Diana, Patroness of Hunters,
We hail your name on their behalf.
DIANA
But why so sad , in front of the family?
TENOR/BASS
Why sad in front of the family?
DIANE
My broken heart forbids me to laugh.
And none of you, no , none of you can know the half!
You know what earthly hunters prey on –
Halloo and Tally Ho.
Gamebirds or foxes, deer or hares
Halloo and Tally Ho.
The Goddess Diana stalks Actaeon
Halloo and Tally Ho.
A beautiful youth for whom she cares
Halloo and Tally Ho.
To trap in her snares
A beautiful youth for whom she cares.
TENOR/BASS
A handsome boy for whom she cares –
Whom she does NOT meet unawares!
DIANA
Early today to seek her quarry –
Halloo and Tally Ho.
She sallied forth with horse and hound
Halloo and Tally Ho.
But there was no outcome amatory
Halloo and Tally Ho.
Actaeon was nowhere to be found!
Halloo and Tally Ho.
TENOR/BASS
For he was nowhere to be found.
The lad had clearly gone to ground.
No. 14 Choeur de Revolte
TENOR/BASS
To Arms.
We call on all the deities.
To Arms
Let’s overthrow the way it is.
BASS
Our life is too mechanical
TENOR
Our leader is tyrannical
BASS
He lords it over all the Gods
ORPHEE
He and we are all at odds.
TENOR/BASS
To arms. To arms.
To arms
Forth to fight
Claim the right
Come and make a show of might.
JUPITER
What are they doing? Are they revolting?
How daft it makes us look.
PLUTO
This revolution among the gods
Is in time to get me off the hook!
Cupid and Goddesses
Be in no doubt,
Ambrosia’s out
TENOR/BASS
Yes it is out!
GODS
Nectar’s no treat,
It’s far too sweet.
TENOR/BASS
Yes, far too sweet.
GODS
They’re over-rated
And we’re sated
TENOR/BASS
And nauseated.
PLUTO
You’re right. You ought to ditch that sickening diet.
There’s better fare in Hell – aren’t you dying to try it?
BASS
To Arms!
TENOR
To Arms!
TENOR/BASS
To Arms! We call on all the deities
To Arms! To overthrow the way it is!
BASS
Our life is too mechanical
TENOR/BASS
Our leader is tyrannical
BASS
He lords it over all the Gods
ORPHEE
He and we are all at odds.
TENOR/BASS
To Arms!
To Arms!
To Arms!
The bill of fare is uninspired
The fault is there, we’re sick and tired
And those who don’t agree should be fired!
To arms. To arms.
We live too well.
This Heaven’s Hell!
No. 15 Metamorphoses
DIANE
Whenever daddy goes a wooing, he knows te value of surprise.
To be successful in his suing , he has to do it in disguise.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
We can see the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now we know you as you are.
MINERVE
Dressed as the husband of Alcmene you entertained her in her flat.
There can be few on Earth , if any , who would be taken in like that
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Known to all society for wanton impropriety .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
This is pushing piety a little bit too far.
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Wanton impropriety
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now you are pushing it too far!
CYBELE
When feeling horny for Europa, why did you dress up as a bull?
It was a corny ruse to grope her, how come a bull has so much ‘pull’
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Shouldn’t immortality stop short of bestiality?
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now teach us morality, we dare you to, papa.
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
That was bestiality!
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Dare you lecture us papa?
VENUS
Down by the brook where I was spying you were the swan that Leda saw
And I distinctly heard her crying ‘This is the swan I’m waiting for’
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
You showed no affinity with saving her virginity.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Isn’t this divinity a wicked avatar?
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
He took her virginity.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
What the hecks an avatar?
FLORE
With Danae, as golden showers , you sought to win her in the rain
They say the downpour lasted hours , but then it turned out nice
again.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Fancy overpowering a lady when she’s showering .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Should you be deflowering another than Mama?
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
She was only showering .
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
He should stay and love Mama
CUPID
You wooed the mortals you desired in any costume you could get.
With all the trappings that you’ve hired, you must be heavily
in debt.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Yes, you act advisedly in doing it disguisedly
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now repent chastisedly, your fancy-dress we bar.
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Yes you act advisedly
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now repent for your fancy-dress we bar.
ORPHEE
If daddy changes his appearance to win affection, should we scoff?
To his own form, a close adherence would scare all decent women off.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Anyone with any sense can see it in the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Now’s the time for penitence, we know you as you are.
TENOR/BASS
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
We can see the evidence.
Ah! ah! ah! Ah! ah! ah!
Penitence, we know you as you are.
No. 16 Grand Final
PLUTO
Yes , it’s Orpheus . Devil take him.
Has he come to make a scene ?
Did I make his wife forsake him?
What a naughty God I’ve been.
TENOR/BASS
Come right in poor cheated lover
State your business, speak up, do.
Don’t be scared, you’ll soon discover.
That the Gods are keen to side with you.
SOPRANO/ALTO
We’ll look on
What goes on
MRS WHITETHIGH
Start playing when I give the cue
SOPRANO/ALTO
Now the fun has begun
ORPHEE
I’m not that keen to see this through!
TENOR/BASS
Yes, we’ll look on
See what goes on
We’ll try to listen too
And stay awake
To hear you through
So don’t be scared
You’ll soon discover
That the Gods are
Keen to side with you
JUPITER
Why have you come here, mortal man?
MRS WHITETHIGH
You must faithfully follow this plan.
The Gods will melt when you’ve recited
All the heart-rending tale you must tell.
They’ll allow you to travel to Hell.
With your wife you will be reunited.
ORPHEE
Is that your wish?
MRS WHITETHIGH
Quite so.
ORPHEE
They came and stole my Eurydice.
DIANA, CUPID, VENUS
He is overcome with grief.
DIANA
Only a fiddle can give him relief.
GODDESSES
We should try and catch the thief.
ORPHEE
I know who it was.
JUPITER
Yes ?
ORPHEE
It was Pluto
TENOR/BASS
Kiss and tell
King of Hell
Is it true?
ORPHEE
Yes, it’s true.
JUPITER
My sentence will be thus.
Pluto’s illegal boarder
Must return to Orpheus
In decorative order.
ORPHEE
Oh damn. I’ve got her back for life.
PLUTO
Hell WILL be Hell without his wife.
And to see she’s released
From y6ur devilish clutches,
I shall come down to Hell, Pluto –
And have a butcher’s
TENOR/BASS
Down to Hell
Down to Hell
GODDESSES
Oh Daddy let us know
May we go down below?
Oh please will you take
Us along for a break.
We’ll try to be
Good company,
Cos if we could
we’d all be good.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Oh Daddy don’t be square.
Be hip and take us there.
JUPITER
I daren’t leave most and just take some.
All right, the lot of you can come.
TENOR/BASS
At last we are agreed.
Olympians, we’re freed.
JUPITER
Down we go, down below, Hades Ho.
TENOR/BASS
Praise to Jupiter who sees our plight.
God so considerate and kind.
When he journeys to the Land of Night
Not one of us is left behind.
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away. Away. Away, Ah!
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away, Ah!
We’ve done with nectar skies of blue
We have no more to do with you .
We all expect a time for fun, and Jupiter’s the one
To whom the thanks are due.
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away, Ah!
La, la, la, la, la, la, Away, Away, Away
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La
GODDESSES
He will not wait!
TENOR/BASS
And if we nag
We might get Tourist-rate
Get out the flag
Oh Happy stroke of Fate.
Not one of us will hesitate .
TENOR/BASS
La, la, la, la, la
TENOR/BASS
Away. Away. Away, la, la, la ,la, la, la
Away, Away
Since we’ve been unwell
Let’s all play hell
Our skies were blue
But now we’re through
We’ll convalesce in wickedness!
So Jupiter, our thanks to you!
Instrumental
TENOR/BASS
Praise to Jupiter who sees our plight
God so considerate and kind
When he journeys to the land of night
Not one of us is left behind
Glory, Glory to our Pa!
Keep it up Dad, you could go far.
Trips to Hell are such a thrill
Down there, the climates never chill!
No. 26 Choeur Infernale
SOPRANO/ALTO
We’ll…
TENOR/BASS
Pass me the wine
The Gods have made their getaway
Super here host
Excuses for another toast.
Too long we’ve been denied it.
Now Pluto has supplied it.
Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
His wine is old and mellow
So let’s broach another keg
Drink it all, ev’ry dreg.
God of Hell, King of Revels
Here to raise our spirit levels
Oh, by Jove, aren’t we devils?
This place is so elating
I see the gods migrating
They’ll try the nether regions
And settle here in legions.
You can’t make sense of life my friends.
Except that is, in death
SOPRANO/ALTO
Except in
TENOR/BASS
It’s only when you lose it
You know why you had breath my friends
No need have we to dread
What the wide world may have said.
We are too long dead.
My friends.
Joy unconfined.
And fill your glasses to the brim.
Let us unwind.
We love this place of ill repute.
Are these Gods you used to know?
How can the Gods have sunk so low?
Just blame the wine – we’ve had our share,
The Gods decline, and we don’t care.
Here’s to the drink.
We’re in the pink
And sucks to what the world may think
Another drink
CUPID
And now, oh follower of Bacchus
I call on you to let us hear
Lilting praises extolling him who is
God of Wine, and brings us cheer.
TENOR/BASS
Sing, oh sing us stories of Bacchus
How did you meet him? Tell us my dear.
No. 27 Hymn to Bacchus
EURYDICE
I saw the God of Wine
In his prosperous vineyard
Instructing one and all
In the Wine-bibbing art .
His pupils played a part
In each tavern and inn-yard
They had learnt it by heart .
SOPRANO
They had learnt it by heart
ALTO
They had learnt it by heart
TENOR/BASS
Evoe. Evoe.
Bacchus the teacher
The one like best
When wine the subject
I’ll pass a test.
Hail to the grape when it is pressed.
Bacchus be blessed.
GODS
Evoe
All hail the wine-god Bacchus!
TENOR/BASS
All hail!
EURYDICE
We ought to set aside
All depression and sadness
And leave all toil and care
To a godless mankind.
We faithful will be plied
With the liquefied gladness
That in Bacchus we find.
SOPRANO
That in Bacchus we find
ALTO
That in Bacchus we find
TENOR/BASS
Evoe. Evoe.
Bacchus the teacher
The one like best
When wine the subject
I’ll pass a test.
Hail to the grape when it is pressed.
Bacchus be blessed.
GODS
Evoe
All hail the wine-god Bacchus!
TENOR/BASS
All hail!
No. 28 Menuet et Galop Infernal
JUPITER
What you need right now.
Is a smattering of etiquette .
I should show you how
To dance the Minuet.
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
Ah!
JUPITER
Ah!
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
la la, la la
Minuetting is not my
Cup of tea.
I get lost when I count to three.
Pirouetting is not my
Drink or meat.
I lose all control of my feet
Now see Jupiter raising
Tippy-toe
You cannot fault his’get up and go’
BASS
la la la la la
TENOR/BASS
At his age it’s amazing
Splendid!
This step hasn’t been invented.
TENOR/BASS
La la la etc
TENOR/BASS
When I dance in the Old Tyme section
My toes badly need protection
Play a Minuet and I’m
So impressed
For the King of Gods, against the odds
By far, is the best.
(Galop)
TENOR/BASS
The world thinks this is a Can-can
But it’s not a Can-can
No, it is a Galop and the Can-can should be banned.
Can-cans are suggestive,
Galops are more festive
Middle-class, respectable and grand.
For when Offenbach conceived it
Who would have believed it
Being played in naughty clubs where people stay up late
Can-cans are too frisky
Galops are less risky –
So they thought in eighteen fifty eight.
La la, etc
No. 30 Final
PUBLIC OPINION
Not a peep or glance behind you.
Keep looking steadfastly ahead .
For soon the world will find you.
With your wife back from the dead.
TENOR/BASS
He isn’t going to turn around –
He’s got his eyes completely fixed upon the ground.
He’s going to make us keep the deal
My God! A violinist who’s got nerves of steel.
JUPITER
I was sure that he would peep
What a servile little creep.
PUBLIC OPINION
That’s very good. We’re going to win.
And take the prize.
JUPITER
Well if he won’t give in
Too bad! Too bad!
Take that for size!
TENOR/BASS
Ah!
PUBLIC OPINION
Wretched man. Now we’re utterly defeated.
ORPHEUS
But it was Jupiter who cheated.
PLUTO
So she is mine, you raise the ban?
Oh thank you, dear Papa.
JUPITER
That’s not my plan.
PLUTO
You mean?
JUPITER
Yes! I will give her to the man behind the Bar!
TENOR/BASS
To the man behind the Bar!
EURYDICE
Ah! Ah! Ah!
On earth, husbanded and pent there
I was not content there. ·
Now I turn to flapper life, for which I have respect.
Orpheus was a killjoy.
Gods, used me as their toy.
Now with Bacchus, life is perfect!
TENOR/BASS
La, la, etc